"Well, we're on our way to the airport to go home! I'm sad and happy all at once. The mission has been incredible and I've loved seeing the Lord work through me. I've changed. I never thought it would be this big of a change, but it's definitely for the better. I've created family here and I plan on coming back. =) I love so many people here! It's crazy. I never knew we could love SO much.
I still love being a missionary. I never want to take my name tag off, but I know I have to go on to what is next. And I'll always be one. I can't wait to see my family!"
Yep, that's right. One year ago today, I returned from the greatest adventure of my life to date - the one that began with a decision to dedicate a year and a half of my life to the service of my God and my fellow brothers and sisters in Chihuahua, Mexico.
My call?I later discovered that it was the same as has always been the Lord's call to everyone willing to listen since the dawn of time: "Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life." (3 Nephi, 5:13)
So why am I generally being preachy, and quoting scripture to you (whomever you may be, or to those of you still left reading..)? Because these are the things that defined a change in my life. Not necessarily the words maybe, for they can - and do - have a thousand different meanings for any soul looking for comfort in the words of God. But the timing in which I discovered these words, and the moment in my life that they entered marked the difference on the pages of my scriptures as well as in my own heart.
Now don't go getting the wrong idea about me, I'm not the perfect Christian southern girl. (In fact, I'm not even Southern, unless you count southern California). I make mistakes, laugh too loud at my own stupid jokes, spill food and drinks all over myself, and generally confuse people with the strange looks I tend to dish out on a regular basis. I guess I just wanted my friends who I love dearly to understand why I am who I am today. Imperfect, but happy. And I wanted them to see what the source of my happiness and hope for a bright future is!
As I walked away from my family and friends on a cold, rainy day, in November of 2013, I had no idea the adventures my future had in store. I was plunged into another culture, another socioeconomic climate, another language, new (and might I add, quite spicy) food... and I was a wide-eyed blonde, American girl in a librarian looking skirt with a companion equally as formal looking in attire and purpose, and a shiny new little black name tag identifying me as Sister Smith, representing the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints... (Sorry everyone who asked for an entire year and a half - no first name!)Long story short, we stood out.
It took a long time for me to get used to that attention this job brought along with it. I say job, because it was the occupation of all of our energy, our hearts, and even our souls for 18 months... we did not get paid (unless you count blessings and friendships). I won't go on forever... but to sum up, I'll quote something I heard someone say about their own time away from home on their mission.
They said: "A mission is the hardest thing you'll love to do."
And how true that is. Now I'm not saying that you have to serve a mission to be great, nor does being a returned missionary a perfect, or even good, person make. A mission is what you make of it, or rather, what you put into it. Just as everything in life. Could I have gotten more out of mine? Of course! Could everyone get more out of life daily if we thought more of others, and put more of our hearts and souls into what we do? Definitely. But that is the beauty of the thing. Of this life. Of this system and plan God has set up. He lets us learn. He allows us to stumble sometimes. Often, when we want Him to take away the pain, He just holds our hands through it and tells us lovingly afterwards, "Do you see now? Look how great you did! Look at what we accomplished together and who you are now." And that is how I feel like I have a Heavenly Best Friend. Because without Him by my side every step I took in a place that began totally foreign to me, it never would have become my second home. I wouldn't be the person I am today and strive to become still.
The key was, I had to take the first step myself. He never forced me. He will always be there for me, but He wants me to learn just as we all must.
So while my time in Mexico may have answered many of life's toughest questions, like why the chicken crossed the road (to get away from the rooster chasing it, in case any of you were interested), I ended up discovering answers to the toughest of them all. The root of all of our questions: Who am I? Why am I here? Where will I go after this life? These and so many questions similar to them can and are answered through the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. The one I dedicated so much of my life teaching other people. That's a lofty claim, isn't it?
But it's true, all of it.
Joking aside (for the moment), I will get to the root of this post. How did this skirt-hating, secretly introverted, immature, unsure girl become a skirt-almost-accepting, slightly-less-introverted, more sure, happy woman?
I'll tell you the secret!
*SHHhh* don't tell anyone! Jk... tell everyone, because THIS is the reason I am writing.
What changed me was finally getting it. REALLY getting it. Truly understanding that there is one person out there who died for me. Who was willing to feel everything I feel on a daily basis. Who understands me even when I don't understand myself. And who loves me in spite of it all! Yep. That's right. The Savior Jesus Christ and my Father in Heaven became my closest friends. My confidants. My Heavenly Helpers. And most of all, I finally understood what it meant to be a Savior.
Now let me explain. I am by no means saying I even compare to the Greatest of them all. However, He saved me. And I never felt more free than when I accepted the gift of repentance and moving forward with my life. It wasn't easy, but it is worth it. Every time. And when I accepted that gift, of course I wanted to share it with other people! That is what made my time in Mexico so enjoyable and so memorable. The service, the love, the teaching, the sharing. It made all the rejection we always get at so many doorsteps or encounters on the street totally worth it. And I would've endured more had it meant that I could've helped more people understand what I grew to understand.
Because every once in a while there is someone that comes along who DOES want to know more. Their lives are changed as they act according to what the Gospel of Christ teaches, and my life is forever marked with their sweet spirits. I will forever be grateful to have met and worked with every single person whose life touched mine in those 18 months, and even those who came along after and before them, for I am now able to see people just a little more for who they are. Equally loved children of a perfect Heavenly Father.
And isn't that the most incredible feeling of belonging that there is? We belong to a Heavenly family. And each life that touches ours, I believe is meant to do just that for one reason or another. And that is the point of that scripture I quoted wayyyyy up there on the top of this post (for those of you following along at home and still awake, you can scroll up if you'd like!). We are part of an eternal family when we take the right steps. ETERNAL. Forever! Without end!
Now while eternity has no end, this post really needs one, so I will end soon, but I just wanted to write out, maybe only for my own good, these few thoughts that had come to me while thinking about my time back "in the real world" since coming home from Mexico. I have had some real highs and real lows since that time. Heartbreak, loss, friendship, my twin brother's wedding, and so much more. But through it all, I would not have survived had I not held on tight to my Heavenly Father's hand. Sometimes, my grip loosens, and sometimes I don't always feel like fighting, but His grip remains firm. He has never left me alone and neither has my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Just as with Peter, as his gaze remained fixed on the Savior, he walked on water with ease. As he let fear cloud his faith, he wavered and began to sink, but here's the funny thing. And I'll throw you one last scripture so you can see that it's fact-based, not just my opinion!
In Matthew Chapter 14 it says:
"31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"
Immediately! Now I want you, the current reader, to understand something. That scripture, I promise you now, is meant for you. It is a reminder, that as you fix your gaze on what matters, especially on the Savior, you can walk through even the choppiest of waters with the worst of storms raging about you and escape unharmed and better off than you were before. Just take that first step out onto the water, and His hand will ALWAYS be stretched forth when you need it.
Change comes gradually and doesn't seem like much at first. You must learn to be grateful for the little things that define you and not doubt that God is preparing you for something even better than you can see with your limited vision when He asks you to change. I know that what I spent so much of my life teaching other people is the truth and it changed their lives for the better. I know it made them happier and it makes me happier every day that I strive to put it into practice. And I know that eternity is the goal for all of us. Families can be forever, not just until death do us part. Because God our Heavenly Father loves us and wants to see us again after this life!
Sé que las enseñanzas de Jesucristo cambian vidas. Sé que lo que hice como misionera valió la pena, y valdría la pena si fuera para que tan solo una persona pudiera cambiar su vida y acercarse a Dios. Me alegra saber que tengo un Salvador cuyo sacrificio fue para mí, para salvarme de mis errores y dolores. Entiendo ahora lo que no pude entender sin que Dios me lo mostrara mediante otras personas. Entiendo que podemos ser felices por medio del Evangelio. Por medio del arrepentimiento constante. Y por esas cosas siempre al Señor agradeceré. Termino citando mi himno favorito, el que se llama Asombro Me Da (I Stand All Amazed).
"Comprendo que Él en la cruz se dejó clavar. Pagó mi rescate; no lo podré olvidar. Por siempre jamás al Señor agradeceré; mi vida y cuánto yo tengo, a Él daré. Cuán asombroso es que por amarme así, muriera Él por mi. Cuán asombroso es, lo que dio por mi." Y todo ese testimonio les dejo en en nombre de Jesucristo. Amen.
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