Who am I really?

I have slowly become that person

Who nobody wants to be around

The complainer, the broke, the single one

The driver of life into the ground.

My laugh used to come so much easier,

My smile, natural, unforced.

I used to make friends so quickly

Now again I’m severely off course.

Things that before made me happy

Things that gave me hope

Seem but a distant memory

Looking up from the bottom of the slope.

I have let myself fall once again

Into that valley of dread

The lies that I thought were gone

Are only a thought away in my head.

Somehow, I’m starting to believe again

That there is no point in this life

That school isn’t worth the effort

And dating won’t make me a wife.

It is so much easier, I say,

To shut out the rest of the world

To stay in my room all day

Under the covers, in a ball curled.

Safe where I don’t disappoint

Where there are no expectations

From me, or anyone else

To those unreachable destinations

To the dreams I’ve locked inside

So deep even I can barely see

The person I once was

Dreaming of the person I wanted to be.

It seems dreams can change

And not always for the better

Is It better to conform?

And alone just leave the matter?

Should reality always win

Over childhood aspirations?

Why, when I get this close

Do I have these hesitations?

Who am I really?

What is it I am meant to be?

Have I taken a path unknowingly?

Am I too far gone to see?

Is it too late to change,

Who I am, Who I’ll become?

Or am I really stuck

Forever under apathy’s thumb?