How do you explain to someone just how much they have hurt you,
when you still care about them so much
and you wish you could be friends again?
how can you tell them how trashed you feel,
how shattered your heart and mind are..
without making them feel horrible, too?
How can you even let yourself forgive them
and let yourself feel forgiven
when you still carry this heavy weight
when they come to mind?
when you feel like you've let them down so much.
they might never forgive you anyway.
the answer is, you don't.
You must go on letting them live in the illusion
that they have no blame on their shoulders.
That you are the one running around, thoughtlessly
breaking people's hearts, and being proud of it.
laughing at how you got them to open up,
laughing at how you tried to help them heal,
how you tried yourself to feel loved
when you finally recognized it in their eyes.
laughing when you failed miserably the day it all came out.
no longer able to laugh, even the mirthless, sarcastic way,
with no feeling behind it at all. empty, hollow laughter.
at that one horrible day
that will not stop it's replaying in your mind.
over and over hearing those words.
over and over believing them.
believing you are a crappy person, unworthy of human relationships
starting to falter in any effort put into any relationship
even with any friends.
starting to wonder why you bother at all,
when people either just leave
or hurt you.
or both.
(Now, don't go getting the idea i'm a horribly negative person, this is just some thoughts i had been having and i really needed to write them out. I have quite a few poems that i write when i'm sad or feeling weird, so a lot of my writing paints me as much more of a depressing person than i am... lol. it just helps.. all part of the process.)
when you still care about them so much
and you wish you could be friends again?
how can you tell them how trashed you feel,
how shattered your heart and mind are..
without making them feel horrible, too?
How can you even let yourself forgive them
and let yourself feel forgiven
when you still carry this heavy weight
when they come to mind?
when you feel like you've let them down so much.
they might never forgive you anyway.
the answer is, you don't.
You must go on letting them live in the illusion
that they have no blame on their shoulders.
That you are the one running around, thoughtlessly
breaking people's hearts, and being proud of it.
laughing at how you got them to open up,
laughing at how you tried to help them heal,
how you tried yourself to feel loved
when you finally recognized it in their eyes.
laughing when you failed miserably the day it all came out.
no longer able to laugh, even the mirthless, sarcastic way,
with no feeling behind it at all. empty, hollow laughter.
at that one horrible day
that will not stop it's replaying in your mind.
over and over hearing those words.
over and over believing them.
believing you are a crappy person, unworthy of human relationships
starting to falter in any effort put into any relationship
even with any friends.
starting to wonder why you bother at all,
when people either just leave
or hurt you.
or both.
(Now, don't go getting the idea i'm a horribly negative person, this is just some thoughts i had been having and i really needed to write them out. I have quite a few poems that i write when i'm sad or feeling weird, so a lot of my writing paints me as much more of a depressing person than i am... lol. it just helps.. all part of the process.)
No comments:
Post a Comment