Another Day, Blink... Another Year

My reflections.. It started as a bit of a poem.. turned into paragraphs of running thoughts I just needed to get out. You don't have to read it all (if anyone comes on here and reads still anyway).
  Not every day is happiness and rainbows.  I have had to learn how to deal with things not always going my way, quite a lot this last year.  Some things are easier to cope with than others, but cope we must. You can't go back and change things, and you can't control other people. As hard as it is, you take responsibility for your own actions and you are the one controlling your reactions.
  Sometimes reconciliation is scary, and so you remain silent. You don't know how someone else will react, or if it will be anything like their last reaction.. so you just don't say anything. and so time passes.
Somehow things can go from happiness to absolutely nothing in no time.  One minute they say you mean the world, the next they don't know who you are.  It is extremely hard to feel special when you no longer mean one bit to the one in whom you invested so much of your heart. The one who dragged you around for a while acting like there was nothing between you, and when you finally both admitted it, it was great for a few weeks. Then suddenly, the old problems come back. Silent treatment, miscommunication, different expectations, secrets, lies, hating on your family, the ones you grew up with, who love you, who raised you, who are a part of who you are. How can you love someone and hate the people that MADE them who they are?? A question I'll never be able to answer and I wish I'd have recognized it sooner.
"I'll try to get to know them better, but they don't make it easy."
"Trying is all I ask for, I can help if you need it, I love them and I know them well, it will go fine." It never happened. that little 'trying to get to know them'? Yeah.. so much for that promise. And every other one. "You could have at least shown up that day to sing with us, you kinda left us hanging there."
"You expected me to come after what you said??" no. no way. ever. I will never forget that. It's hard to forgive when it hurts EVERY time you think about it. Every time you think about that person. every time a song comes on, you get out your guitar, you sing certain things, you go certain places, hear certain phrases, see certain movies....... every time. so often. reminders. i hate them.
  But sometimes reminders are good ones. Not every memory is bad, although many are tainted with the new perspective the latest negative ones lend. Some of my best, and worst memories..
  However there are reminders of OTHER people who are now out of my life that are very good ones, especially when I remember that some people are only temporarily gone, and we can still email and write :). Sometimes you miss people like a limb, like there is just a piece of you, some deep part of your soul, your other half that is just not present. Some days these things all pile up and it kills you. That is where divine help comes in. It is a necessity and it is real. I know that with all my heart. Sometimes, I let things weigh me down too far to see it, but I still know it deep down. I still know that the moment I turn to prayer, the moment I'm sinking so low, I might break, it is there. He is there. I have a Father in Heaven and a Savior, Jesus Christ. They love me. They know ALL my faults and they still love me and want me happy. So when I suffer just a tiny piece of something the Savior suffered in Gethsemane, I know he has felt what I have.  He suffered with me, FOR me. So I wouldn't have to. That doesn't mean I won't. I'm still going to have bad days, but it is up to me to choose to be happy, and to choose to see the hope the future brings, rather than let some hard times completely trash my outlook on life.