times doesn't stop for anyone

it's too late.
too late at night to be up.
too late to be writing, too late to be rational.
too late to reconcile.
to apologize.
to be the same ever again.
to change decisions.
to change who I am.
take me or leave me,
but don't try to make me someone I'm not.
don't try to paint me as someone I'm not.
people make mistakes.
it's the nature of our being.
we are scared of uncertainty
and therefore, do nothing.
remain action-less.. hoping something will move
because sometimes, it's easier to REact.. than act.
and sometimes, you feel like there's nothing left to be said.
you're afraid something else bad might come out.
you're trying to forgive and be forgiven,
but it will never happen so long as the silence persists,
but the silence will never end bc nobody makes a move.
it remains a sore spot, not easily overcome.
a perpetual question of what-if, and how come,
and why, and maybe if... if only...
if only i had tried harder.
if only i had been a better person.
if only i had seen what was coming.
if only i was someone nicer, prettier, more talented, smarter...
but again. i can't change who i am.
it's gonna have to be time i accept myself,
a problem ill have to work on.
the other day i heard, "how can others love you,
when you don't love yourself?"
it's a good question, i guess rhetorical.
the answer would be obvious,
it would be hard for those others to love you
when you don't even see good in yourself.
I've heard the world takes you at your own estimation of yourself.
if that's true, the world should see me as the dirt they walk on.
that's how i feel all too often.